How to deal with infidelity?
Author – Sadhana Singh, Counselling Psychologist
Editor – EmptyCare Team
Updated – 27th February
When your partner cheats on you, you may question whether you can rely on them in the future. Some individuals engage in repeated infidelity without any intention of altering their behaviour, and they may not even acknowledge that cheating is hurtful to their partner. On the other hand, there are those who cheat and experience profound regret, and are willing to put forth effort to transform their actions.
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that infidelity in one relationship did not predict infidelity in subsequent relationships. The study also found that infidelity in one relationship was not a strong predictor of future infidelity in that same relationship. Other factors, such as relationship satisfaction, attachment style, and personal values, play a more significant role in predicting infidelity.
Signs of cheating can vary, but some common signs include
- Narcissistic behaviour - is selfish, shows little empathy towards others, and seeks flattery and attention. They are self-absorbed and don’t feel guilt or shame after cheating
- Changes in behaviour, such as being more secretive, spending more time away from home
- Exhibiting a lack of interest in intimacy with their partner
- They may also be more defensive, act irritable or distant
- Display a sudden change in grooming or appearance
- Changes in communication, such as sudden secrecy with phones or computers
Some types of cheating in relationships include:
- Physical or sexual affairs - which involves engaging in sexual activity with someone outside of the relationship
- Emotional affairs - which involves forming an emotional connection with someone outside of the relationship
- Micro cheating - is a newer term that describes small, seemingly harmless behaviours that can indicate an intention to cheat, such as sending flirty messages or maintaining secret friendships with an ex-partner (online infidelity, sexting as infidelity)
- Revenge cheating - also known as retaliatory infidelity or "getting even," refers to engaging in infidelity as a response to a partner's previous act of cheating
What can you do if you fall prey to cheating?
If you fall prey to cheating, there are several steps they can take depending on the situation. Here are some general guidelines:
- Take some time to process your emotions: Discovering that you've been cheated on can be emotionally devastating. Take some time to process your feelings and come to terms with what has happened. It's important to take care of your mental health and well-being during this time.
- Talk to the person who cheated: If you feel comfortable, you can talk to the person who cheated and try to understand why it happened. This can be a difficult conversation, but it may help you gain some closure and move on.
- Seek support from friends and family: Lean on your support network during this time. Reach out to friends and family who can offer emotional support and advice.
- Take therapy: Speaking with a licensed therapist or counsellor can help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies to move forward.
- Decide what you want: It's important to decide what you want for yourself moving forward. Do you want to work things out with the person who cheated, or do you want to end the relationship? This is a personal decision that only you can make.
- Take steps to protect yourself: If you're in a romantic relationship, you may want to get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Additionally, you may want to consider changing certain major elements of your life like shared passwords and taking other steps to protect your personal information.
How can therapy help?
A therapist can provide valuable support and guidance for couples struggling with infidelity. They can help both partners understand the root causes of the cheating, improve communication and problem-solving skills, and develop a plan to rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship. A therapist can also provide a safe and non-judgmental space for both partners to process their emotions and work through any lingering issues related to the infidelity.
It's important to note that while these are common reasons for infidelity, they are not excuses, and cheating is never justified. If you're feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in your relationship, it's important to communicate your needs and work towards a solution with your partner rather than turning to infidelity.
Remember that healing takes time, and there's no right or wrong way to cope with infidelity. It's important to prioritize your well-being and make decisions that feel right for you.
